Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
