idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
