I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Randomize
