its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
