Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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