in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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