Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
