The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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