i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
