Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
