Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
