why didn't you poke me back
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
