who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
