I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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