So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
