every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize