I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
