I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
