the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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