I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
