is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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