You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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