dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
