Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
