I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
