i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize