dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
