Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
