Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
