Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
