Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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