No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize