So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
