i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize