I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize