He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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