i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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