forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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