so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
