Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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