Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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