I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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