my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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