At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
