Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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