the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
