Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
whose parrot is this?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
