Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
