I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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