adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
