i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
