It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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