Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
