i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
