My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
