I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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