Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
