O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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