This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize