Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
