Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
