Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
