I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
