theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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