Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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