What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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