"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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