I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
