I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
