i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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