I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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