She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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