Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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