I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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