i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize