Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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