Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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